hey hey! this is a blog i wrote a month ago about how i was doing and what the Lord had to say about it. it’s pretty vulnerable, but i’ve felt God pushing me to post this now!
so with gentle and compassionate hearts, let’s read this together.
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you know those trees that bloom with BEAUTIFUL pink and white flowers before their leaves come in?
the Lord has been pointing them out to me nonstop lately. kinda sweet, He knows how much i love flowers.
it turns out these trees do that because their top priority is reproduction, producing seeds, as in growing those flowers and letting them fall.
go and make disciples of all nations.
that is our mission. our priority, if you will.
and after all those beautiful flowers fall, the tree looks dead again. the branches are bear, it looks like nothing even happened. it looks like it’s still living in the middle of winter.
the Lord explained to me how right now, i feel like that naked tree. all the beautiful flowers are on the ground, and i have nothing left. i feel exposed. i feel like i’m backtracking. i feel like i look like i’m dead.
the Lord spoke into it.
my season of team leading was literally a dream come true! a year ago right now i was praying and hoping and pleading with the Lord to be able to disciple a team of women in the fall. and i did! praise God! i love those women SO MUCH and now they’re on the field guatemala being the hands and feet of Jesus!! what a blessing it is to know them!
that was a season of FLOWERS and blossoming and seeds being tossed!
so here i am, flowerless, lookin all naked and dead. at CGA, the Lord’s invited me into a process of healing. i’m learning to trust that even if it may be hard, it definitely will be good.
my branches are naked. my tree looks dead.
it’s hard to appreciate where i am right now when i feel so ugly and exposed.
the Lord spoke into it.
well maybe, just maybe, you’ll find the beauty of where you are right now.
something special about those naked trees is that you can see the beauty of the sky behind it. you can see the moon peeking between those branches and the stars twinkling and dancing in the sky. you can see far more of the landscape and the beauty all around you. it takes the attention off of the tree and onto the bigger landscape picture around it.
me feeling empty and with nothing to offer just leaves more room for Jesus! and that’s all i could ever want! He LOVES when i’m empty, cause it’s just more room for Him! thanks God!
your beauty does not come from any flowers you make or seeds you produce. your beauty is far deeper than what you do. beauty describes YOU as a whole! you radiate my beauty!
so yeah, maybe i am a naked tree feeling all exposed, and it’s pretty uncomfy.
but i’m trusting the process. these things take time.
besides, it won’t be long until some leaves start growing. they’ll be the brightest of greens, rustling in the summer breeze providing shade to everything around it.
these leaves store energy. they sustain!
aaallllllll the things i’m learning, i’ll be able to carry them with me well after i leave gainseville.
besides, i love the color green. there’s so much hope!
thanks God for still being good even in the uncomfortable.
love you,
mads
